Abide with me
by Miss Starry Skies
Summary: Yes, love is reckless indeed. Why else had Fred Wesley fallen in love with his brother's girlfriend? When the unthinkable happens, will they break in the face of tragedy or find a way back into life together? Post DH/AU, FW/HG, Rated M for later chapters
1. Prologue

Hello,

this Story was first published in German around 2007. For different reasons I stopped writing about six chapters into writing. But seeing how the fandom has been blooming those past weeks, I couldn't resist translating the story in the hope to finish it =)

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, obviously – this would have already happened in the books, if it was ;)

Very special thanks go to my wonderful beta reader Sarah, because this might turn out a mess without her =)

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><p><strong>Prolgue<strong>

The trouble with love is its recklessness. Sometimes it brings people together only to rip them apart again on a whim. It turns worlds upside down and leaves battlefields of broken hearts in its wake.

Yes, love is reckless indeed. Why else had Fred Weasley fallen in love with his brother's girlfriend?

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><p>"I haven't seen Angelina in a while. Are the two of you alright?"<p>

Molly Weasley had always been a direct woman. Being the mother of seven children, all of whose sole reason of being seemed to be to wreak havoc and accumulate property damage, that particular character trait had never done her any wrong.

And being the mother of these children, it hadn't taken her long at all to realize that vague, cautious questions only lead to vague, cautious answers. So after the first ten seconds of silence, she tried again to address her son, who all throughout dinner had been nothing but grumpy and uncharacteristically silent.

Fred sighed, not even daring to lift his gaze. It was the second dinner at the Burrow without his girlfriend and he had been waiting for the familiar concern to creep in and bring up the matter.

George knew, of course. They were twins in every sense of the word and practically of one mind. And until recently there had been no secrets between them, but that was a different matter.

As for telling the rest of his family, that was a spot more difficult. He really didn't feel like dropping a bomb over his mother's famous roast beef. And especially not with _her_ there, giving him that enquiring, but well meaning, look that was so typically her that it made his stomach churn. But what use was there delaying the inevitable now?

"Angelina and I aren't together anymore…"

His family's reaction would have been comedic, had he not been so melancholy. He could literally see his mother's heartbreak when her dreams of chocolate-orange grandchildren shattered. Fred glanced around the table. His father looked quite helpless while he searched in vain for the right words to say, ending up mumbling something about "other mother's fish in the sea". Bill and Fleur exchanged quick side glances with Harry and Ginny before returning to their meals without saying a word. He was more than grateful for that. Ron who was sitting next to him clumsily patted his shoulder. "Chin up! Maybe she'll change her mind."

Fred nodded, relieved by the fact his brother naturally assumed it had been Angelina who had done the dumping. The least he knew the better.

When Hermione leaned over Ron to cover Fred's hand with her own it caused a sudden involuntary jerk that sent his hand flying, nearly knocking over his glass. "I'm so sorry," she said as she gently stroked his hand, kind enough to ignore the embarrassing outburst. "Why didn't you tell me when I visited the shop the other day?"

"Didn't feel like talking about it." He muttered as he dully yanked his hand away. She looked hurt, but he tried to ignore it. He stood up abruptly and his table napkin dropped onto his still half-full plate. "And to be honest, I don't feel like talking about it now either. Excuse me…" he spat, storming from the kitchen and up the stairs.

"I'll talk to him." George also got up with an apologetic smile. "He's had some rough days."

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><p>"Freddie, wait!"<p>

George caught up with his brother, sliding between the frame and swiftly closing bedroom door before Fred was able to slam it shut. "Don't even think about locking me out of my own room!" He panted, fingers clasped tightly to the door in a display of sheer determination. Fred sighed in resignation, stepping aside to let him in. George did so and promptly collapsed onto his bed, rubbing the shoulder that took the blow from the door as Fred sat down on his own bed opposite him.

"Oi, could've sworn you meant to take the whole thing off." George chuckled, testing the waters of his brother's humour. There wasn't even the faintest twitch of a smile. Instead his eyes remained fixed downwards as they had been all throughout dinner. There was no doubt that he felt his brother's concerned, but questioning gaze burning into him as every so often he would twitch uncomfortably.

They silently stayed like that for six minutes, Fred had counted. It at least somewhat distracted him from his current troubles, no matter how temporary. To neither's surprise, it was George who broke the dead air. And by his posture, Fred gathered as he glanced up, he had had enough of his twin's stoic silence. In one fluid motion he flung himself up and over onto Fred's bed. He folded his arms behind his head and stared above at the panelled ceiling before blurting out in his own non-diplomatic matter, "Let's hear it. What happened?"

"Don't know what you're talking about."

Fred shrugged in what was perhaps the most pathetically failed attempt at nonchalant that George had ever seen. Fred was determined nonetheless to keep it up as he slumped back against the headboard. "I just didn't feel like discussing my breakup in front of the whole family. Mum will stonewall me into an interrogation anyway and when she does I would rather not be surrounded and judged by the league of dream couples."

"Wow, you really must be bitter if you're labelling Ron and Hermione as a dream couple." George gave a toothy grin. "Besides, it could have been worse. Imagine if Percy and Penelope had been here tonight as well."

"Merlin!" Fred's depression momentarily subsided and replaced with horror as he shuddered at the thought of the couple's constant billing-and-cooing. His mother might have thought it was all so charming, but as for the rest of the family, they only felt nausea around them. Suddenly the whole evening seemed much less torturous as he imagined Percy lecturing him about the way maturity was the keystone to every happy relationship while "Penny-Bear" smiled up at him as if he hung the moon.

"You really know how to comfort a man who's hit rock bottom."

"Easy-peasy", George chirped, elated to see at least a tiny re-emergence of his brother's usual humour that had been trapped beneath his heap of misery. "There is very little in this world that could be worse than dinner with Headboy and Penny-Bear." He stood again and stretched lazily before taking a few steps toward the door. "You coming? Rumour has it Mum made pudding for desert."

"I think I'll just stay here." Fred replied with a small smile. George nodded in respect before he continued his way to the door. "Wait!" Fred stopped him just as he placed his hand on the doorknob. George turned back, taken aback at how his brother visibly hesitated before asking, "Can you please tell Hermione that I'm sorry? I really didn't mean to be rude."

"I will." George promised. Fred could see how he was fighting not to pry any deeper. "And you will tell me what really happened between you and Angelina, won't you?" It was quite clear that this was not a request, but a loving demand.

"Soon, Georgie. I promise."

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><p>Fred spent the next few minutes just staring blankly at the door that had comfortingly fallen shut behind his brother. He hated not being able to talk about everything and anything with him anymore. Not once had there been any secrets between them in their over twenty years of life and now suddenly there was a part of his life that he couldn't share with him.<p>

Worse, it didn't matter what came out of this mess, George would always know that there had been something his twin had hidden from him. He had never said a word about it, but Fred knew that it had hurt him terribly because it hurt him, too.

Still, this was something he knew that he had to face alone if he didn't want anyone else to get hurt. Furthermore he doubted that anyone would understand anyway.

True, it wasn't a crime to fall for someone while being with someone else; those things do happen. But how in Merlin's name was he supposed to explain to anyone how out of all the witches in the world he had fallen for his little brother's girlfriend?


	2. Chapter 1

Hello,

Thank you so very much for your kind comment – I hope you're still hanging around now ;)

This time very special thanks go to my tumblr. guru **druifje, **who did the beta work on this chapter!

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><p>Hermione Granger –<p>

Fred was sure he had never met a worse know-it-all than her and the passion with which she stuck to the rules had driven him crazy for years. Back in the old days of Hogwarts he had seen her every day, yet he wouldn't have been able to tell the colour of her eyes. But now he knew. Her eyes were brown – gold brown when she was happy; almost black when she was mad.

The war and Dumbledore's army had made them become friends of sorts and when she and Ron had finally found each other, he had been nothing but happy for them. But now, almost two years later, his feelings for her had changed and he suddenly didn't know how to act around her anymore.

It drove him mad just being in the same room with her, seeing her with Ron and knowing she was perfectly happy with a man that wasn't him. At the same time it was becoming almost impossible for him to hide away in his room, while she was under the same roof, probably worrying about him that very moment. Because that's how she was – the Weasleys were her second family and she cared for every single one of them.

His behaviour during dinner had obviously hurt her and Fred was ashamed of the way he cowardly had sent his brother to apologize.

But his hand was still tingling where it had touched hers and he didn't believe that after everything he had been through those past few days, he still possessed enough emotional strength to just sit there and pretend like he felt nothing for her but friendship.

He closed his eyes with a deep sigh.

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><p>He still remembered the day she made his heart skip a beat for the first time.<p>

It had been Boxing Day at the Burrow, when she had flashed his mother that brilliant smile of hers; like the simple scarf she had just unwrapped was the most precious gift she had ever been given. Angelina and he had gotten into a terrible fight just before the holidays, because he had told her that he wanted to spend Christmas with his family at the Burrow and not at her parents' holiday home in France.

She had been so mad him and looking back he understood why, seeing that she had spent the last holiday with him and his family. She thought it was only fair that this time it would be the other way round. And it was, of course he saw that now. But back then he had been so sure that there was a hidden accusation he heard in her words, had been sure the humble way his family went about the celebration wouldn´t be good enough for her, so they both had gone their respective ways. She had gone to France with her parents and he had stayed behind, almost certain that this had marked the end of their story.

Hermione's honest joy at his mother's simple gift had touched him then. When they had all gone out into the garden for a snowball fight that afternoon he couldn't help but notice how pretty she looked being all smiles, with her cheeks flushed red from the cold and the colourful scarf wrapped around her neck.

That image of her had stuck with him for days, but then Angelina came back. She had apologised and he had apologised and of course they had made up and the image of Hermione in the snow had started to fade a bit more every day until everything had been back to normal. Almost.

Three weeks ago Hermione suddenly had showed up at the shop.

She had been in Diagon Alley to look for a birthday present for Ron on one of her rare free days and had spontaneously decided to pay him and his brother a visit. She had even brought sandwiches and pumpkin juice from the Leaky Cauldron, because she knew of the twins´ bad habit of not eating anything if things got busy in the shop. Unfortunately she had picked a bad day for her surprise visit. George left early in the morning to buy commodities, the shop was as good as empty because of the, as he and his brother called it, "post Christmas depression" and after another fight with Angelina he had been in a really bad mood. But when he told Hermione she just waved it off with a laugh and told him that even a joker like him was allowed a bad day every once in a while.

She then joined him behind the counter and they spend hours just eating and chatting away about anything and everything. He couldn't even remember the last time Angelina and he had been able to pass time that easily and when George had returned sometime in the afternoon, Fred had caught himself toying with the thought of sending him away again with some excuse just to be alone with Hermione for a little longer.

It was only when Hermione had hugged him goodbye that he had realised she smelled just like Christmas at the Burrow – of caramel and cinnamon and a hint of the old books she loved so much. Her smell had brought back memories of her in the snow and his life hadn't been the same ever since.

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><p>He could hear the others laugh downstairs in the kitchen and even through the closed bedroom door he thought he could clearly distinguish her voice from all the others. He was dying to go and sit with them. But he didn't dare leaving his room for he didn't trust himself around Hermione anymore. His family was everything to him and for now the thought of hurting his little brother was even more agonising than his desire for her could have ever been. As much as his heart broke at the mere thought of it, he knew that he had to stay away from Hermione until he had regained some control over his feelings.<p>

Still, when he was lying in his bed later that night, staring blankly at the dark ceiling, it was the memory of her face, the look in her eyes the moment he had pulled his hand away that kept him wide awake.


	3. Chapter 2

Hello again!

Thank you so much for your sweet comments and of course to all the silent lurkers, who put this story on their alerts/favourite lists! This story means a lot to me, so it's a great feeling to have you like it :)

Special thanks go to **druifje **for her beta work - I owe you!

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><p>"Merlin's crotch!"<br>Fred didn't care much about the disapproving growl a mother gave him before shoving her chubby son to another corridor. He got on his knees to pick up the Puking Pastilles that had spilled when the whole box had slipped from his hand because he hadn't been paying attention while replenishing the shelve. He acted like he didn't see the warning look his brother gave him from where he stood behind the counter.  
>It had been eight days now since he had last seen Hermione. He had thought it was better to stay away from her until he had regained control over his feelings or, even better, forgotten about them. He should have known that that was not the way love worked. He wasn't the least bit over her, if anything it had only gotten worse with all the time he spent sitting and thinking about her.<p>

And even though he had spent more than a fair share of the past weeks fantasising about her, he had never known how big a part in the life of him and his family Hermione had really become until he had started to excel himself in ways to avoid her. He missed her. Badly.

He ran his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "George, do you mind if I take a break?" His twin gave him a brief nod, probably relieved to have his grumpy face out of the customers' eyesight. Fred made his way to the back of the shop with large strolls and disposed of the now unsalable pastilles before taking the stairs up to their flat. Normally he would enjoy spending a busy afternoon at the shop, but today every single person he met seemed to be too much for him to handle and all he wanted to do was to hide away in his room. He leaned back against the closed door and released a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

"Great! Just the one I came to see."

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><p>Fred took a startled leap backwards and painfully hit his elbow on the doorknob. He swore through gritted teeth. Hermione was sitting cross-legged on the couch with an open book resting on her lap and for a second Fred was sure he had finally lost his mind. Why else would she be sitting there, if he wasn't hallucinating? "How did you get in?"<br>"Floo Powder." If she was amused about his not-so-heroic reaction, she did a very good job at hiding it from him. "I thought you might be busy, so I decided it was better to wait here until your lunch break. You came earlier than I expected though." She said, glancing down at her watch.  
>"Don't you think it's a bit rude to just pop into someone's flat like that?" Fred asked while rubbing his still pounding elbow and trying his best not to let the emotions show her unexpected visit had stirred in him. Those feelings reminded him why he had been avoiding her at all costs lately. Even worse, looking at her now he knew all too well that all of his attempts had been in vain, for really nothing had changed.<br>"Oh, so now you want to discuss manners with me?" She stood up from the couch and pulled a folded piece of parchment from the back pocket of her jeans. It was only then Fred noticed the look on her face. She was obviously angry with him. And he didn't need to ask why, because he had immediately recognised that particular piece of parchment in her hand. It had only been this morning that he himself had tied it to the foot of old family owl Errol. It was his answer to Ron's birthday invitation. He swallowed thickly when Hermione unfolded it. She threw icy looks at him while reading out the few hastily scribbled words. They cut deeper than any angry word Angelina had ever spoken during their many fights in the last weeks of their relationship.

"_Can't make it. So sorry. Have one on me. Fred."_

She crumpled the parchment in her hand and carelessly put it back in her pocket. "Ron is much too kind to be mad about it, that's why I'm here now. First you don't show up for family dinner, for the first time in two years I might add, and now you reject an invitation to your own brother's birthday party. And that's not even the best part. You just go and fob him off with this stupid piece of paper and don't even try to come up with a decent excuse. What's wrong with you?"  
>She crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised her eyebrows in that expecting manner only she could pull off. It never failed to make her look intimidating even while easily being the smallest person in the room.<br>He now deeply regretted fleeing the shop earlier. Just half an hour later and he would have had George as backup. He couldn't tell Hermione why he was acting like this. He wasn't even able to fully explain it to himself, because he had never felt so helpless before. All he knew was that Hermione was standing in his living room. She was mad and she was beautiful and she wouldn't be leaving without an answer.  
>So he started to speak, though he knew he was telling only half-truths which were even less than distorted reflections of what he really felt.<br>"I'm really sorry about the note. It was stupid, but I didn't know how else to tell Ron."

_I couldn't just come by to talk to him. I was afraid of meeting you. You would have tried to change my mind and I would have given in._

He could see it in her eyes. Did she even know how easy she was to read? She was still angry with him, but not as much as she had been when he had first entered the flat. She never could stay mad at someone for long – except maybe for Ron.  
>"The whole thing with Angelina... it's been only three weeks and I still feel uncomfortable around all the happy couples. Bill and Fleur, Harry and Ginny, you and Ron, even Percy and Penelope. There's only so much cooing I can deal with right now. It's pathetic, I know. That's why I didn't want to talk about it."<p>

_I can't bear to see you with Ron. He is my brother, but when I'm near you I almost forget about it. I'm so ashamed of my own weakness. That's not me..._

"Oh, Fred..."

Hermione let her arms fall to her sides and stepped towards him. Her angry expression had changed into one of sympathy and it made him regret everything he had just said. Anger was good. Anger was safe. Anger meant distance.

She took his hand in hers, but this time he fought the impulse to pull it away. He would have done anything not to have to see that hurt look upon her face again.

"Why didn't you say so earlier? I'm so sorry. I can't believe I didn't think about that." Fred felt like a swine when he realised how miserable he had just made her. He didn't want her to pity him. He didn't deserve it. She pulled him into a hug that was probably meant to comfort him, but all he wanted to do was close his eyes and apparate to the end of the world with her.

_You smell like Christmas and books._

_You're all I can think about. When I dream at night, we're together, because it's only in my sleep that you feel the same way about me._

_Last night I dreamed it was summer and I made love to you under an apple tree. You whispered my name and when I woke up I could still hear your voice and smell the grass on your moist skin. Please stay away from me, before I do something I will regret for the rest of my life._

"It's okay", he said and took a reluctant step back. He forced a smile that hurt almost physically. This was exactly the scenario he had been trying to avoid. "Like I said, it's pathetic. Just forget that stupid note and tell Ron I'm coming."  
>"Really? Oh Fred, that's great! Ron will be so happy!" Hermione got on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. "We'll keep the cooing at a minimum, I promise. I'll go and tell Ron now!" She pulled him in for another rushed hug and then practically pranced her way back to the fireplace. She took a hand full of Floo Powder from the bowl that was standing on the mantel and carefully stepped into the cold ash. She winked at him and her smile was as bright as the sun. "Burrow!"<br>She vanished in a flash of green flames and dust and Fred was left alone. He carefully brought his fingers to his cheek where her lips had touched him.

_I'm in I love with you. I don't know what to do..._


	4. Chapter 3

Hello,

Thank you very much for the nice comments and all the subscriptions! *is very happy*

And just so you know and don't get confused:

I'm going to change the story's name to **"Abide with me"**. The plot has done a total turn in my head and the old title just doesn't fit anymore. Plus, I like it much more and I hope you like it, too ;-)

Obligatory special thanks to my dear **druifje** for the beta work *huggles*

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><p>It was the first mild evening of the year; still it was mostly the half full glass of firewhiskey in his hand that kept Fred warm. He had sneaked out into the garden to escape the hustle of the party, but first and foremost Hermione's presence.<p>

He regretted blaming his odd behaviour on his breakup with Angelina, because now it seemed like Hermione was all over him in her attempts to make him feel better. Needless to say, this did absolutely nothing to help him get over her. He briefly wondered what she would have said had she known that she was the reason he ended his relationship. The mere thought scared him half to death. He finished his drink with one hearty draught.

Funnily enough it was only in those moments Fred found himself missing Angelina and he asked himself if it really had been the right decision to give up on their relationship so rashly. Wouldn't it have been easier to just forget about Hermione with someone by his side? But instead, he now felt like every step he had taken over the past two weeks had brought him closer to her and closer to the moment when he would not longer be able to stop himself from breaking.

"What are you doing out here all on your own?"

Fred flinched at the sound of Hermione's voice. _Of course_ it had to be her who went looking for him. Why out of everyone in his extended family Hermione seemed to have made his wellbeing her new personal project was beyond him. Everyone was giving him the space they thought he needed now, so why couldn't she just do the same?

"When I look at you, I feel awful for talking you into coming." She sat down next to him on the old garden bench and nudged him in the side playfully. "Is it really that bad?"

"No, not at all!" he was quick to assure her. And just because it was _her_ he was talking to, he even managed a weak smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You and mum did an amazing job on the party. It's just that I'm not exactly the perfect guest right now and I don't want to spoil anyone's evening."

He looked at her, careful not to give the impression of eying her up. Though, at least in all honestly to himself, that was exactly what he was doing. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. She was wearing a light blue dress and even though she was almost as pale as him it didn't make her look plain or sallow. If anything she was radiant. Her hair was loosely pinned up in her neck with a few soft strands framing her face. Did she even know what a woman could do to a man just with the sight of her bared neck and shoulders?

He didn't know if it was her or the firewhiskey, but he suddenly felt the heat creeping to his cheeks and he realised that his face and most likely his ears as well had just turned a crimson red. He silently cursed the Weasley family's habit of constantly blushing on the most inept occasions and quickly lowered his gaze to where her hand was resting between them on the weather-beaten wood of the bench. What was it about her that made him feel like an inexperienced schoolboy again?

"You know, Fred, nobody's expecting anything from you except yourself" Hermione said, putting an end to his silent reverie. Why did she sound so serious all of a sudden? "Everyone's just happy to have you around. And not just today. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, it will always be a wonder to them. To all of us."

Fred didn't need to look up to know what she meant. The slight quiver in her voice gave her away. She was talking about the Battle of Hogwarts and those agonising moments after the explosion, when all they could see through the dust and the dirt was Percy, who had been crouched over him, shaking his lifeless body. She was talking about the long days at St. Mungo's and how they had all kept watch by his bed instead of celebrating Voldemort's defeat with the rest of the wizarding world. And even after all this time and even though he didn't really remember anything apart from waking up to the sight of his crying twin, he still felt the old fear creeping up his neck, when he thought about just how close he had escaped death. It was the shaky breath Hermione took before she went on speaking, that reminded him how this had been a difficult time for everyone he cared about.

"It hurts me to see you like this. You guys are like a second family to me and I want you to be happy. If there is anything I can do to get the old Fred back, just tell me. He might be a pain in the neck sometimes, but I miss him."

"Hermione..." Fred was struggling with his feelings. This situation was, up to the silvery moonlight, too much like the things he had been fantasising about those past weeks. He was afraid that if he dared to look up and into her face now, he would ultimately lose this hopeless battle against his own feelings. So he did the only thing he could do without overstepping the boundary that marked his point of no return. He covered her hand with his and squeezed it lightly. He wanted so badly to say something, anything to make her smile again. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be all right and that he all he needed was some time, but then he heard steps quickly approaching and just a moment later Ron was standing behind them. Fred quickly pulled his hand away from Hermione's. He was annoyed with himself, because even though nothing had happened he still felt caught.

"What are you two doing out here? You're missing out on all the fun."

He put his hand on Hermione's shoulder and Fred felt his heart break a little, when she covered it with hers. This simple gesture of intimacy was just another reminder that he was longing for something that could never be his.

"You know how Teddy's been terribly fascinated with Fleur's belly all evening? Well, Harry has just made the mistake of telling him there's a baby inside it. Now Teddy wants to know how it got in there and Andromeda looks like she wants to strangle him. Harry, of course, not Teddy."

"Poor Harry!" Hermione laughed. "Sounds like he's in desperate need of saving." She stood up and took Ron's hand, but instead of just going inside with him, she turned to Fred. "You coming?"

"You two go ahead." Fred smiled, but inwardly he wanted to scream and rampage, anything to give vent to the jealousy that was raging inside him like a wild beast. "I'll catch up with you."

Fred sat and watched as the two of them walked back into the house still holding hands. He wished he hadn't come. He felt like a fool for believing even for one minute that he could bear to see Hermione with Ron. The truth was he couldn't and he hated himself for his weakness.


	5. Chapter 4

Hello,

So now the title is changed and I hope you'll all enjoy "Abide with me" as much as you enjoyed "The Trouble with Love is...".

Thanks so much for following this story and the nice comments I get here and on tumblr. I can't even put into words how much I enjoy to be writing again =)

Eternally grateful hugs to **druifje** for the beta work and putting up with me testing all my ideas on her first ;-)

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><p>Hermione was standing in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of blackberry wine for her and Ginny, when Ron came up to her and gently put his arms around her waist from behind. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"<p>

"In fact, Ronald, you did." She put the bottle down on the counter and turned in his arms to face him. "When you unwrapped the quidditch tickets I got you and you were bouncing on your bed like a little boy, you told me at least twice. Then you told me again when you saw the buffet, even though you knew that your mother made most of it. And the last time you told me was just before the party because you simply liked my dress." She fondly caressed his cheek. "You better be careful. I might get used to it. What did I do to deserve it this time?"

"You're wonderful, that's all." Ron said and even after almost two years he still blushed at his own words. Her smile though, beautiful and as bright as sunlight, made up for any embarrassment he might have felt. "This party is amazing and everyone's having such a great time. Even Fred's here. I was afraid it might all be a little too much for him, but ever since his breakup with Angelina you're taking care of him like he was your brother and not mine." He pulled her in and placed a chaste kiss to her lips. "If I didn't know better, I'd be quite jealous."

"Good thing you do know better then." Hermione laughed. "Ever since fourth year you're the only Weasley I've had eyes for."

"Yeah, and I'd rather try and forget about third year." Ron said and pretended like he shuddered at the mere thought. "I've learned to live with that handsome, Bulgarian pen friend of yours, but thinking that you once had a crush on one of my brothers? That's just wrong."

"Don't worry. I think you too are pretty handsome." She patted his arm with a giggle and swiftly squirmed free of his embrace. "And technically it was two brothers. Mostly, because back then I wasn't able to tell them apart half of the time."

"That's enough now!" Ron theatrically covered his ears with his hands. "No letters from top secret auror training camp for you! Now go and discuss those sorts of things with Ginny!"

"You'll be only gone for two months. I think I'll live." Hermione quickly took the two glasses from the counter, before Ron had the chance to grab her again. Before she left the kitchen she turned around and winked at him. "I love you, too."

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><p>Fred was sitting too far away to hear what Ron and Hermione were saying, but what he could see from where he was sitting in the living room, was more than enough.<p>

The intimacy between them was clearly visible in every glance and every touch. It was just another reminder how pathetic and pointless his feelings for her really were.

When he saw them kiss, he just wanted to apparate home and find shelter from this raging jealousy in the seclusion of his room.

"You haven't been listening to anything I've just said, have you?"

George closely examined his twin, who visibly flinched at his words and then followed his gaze. He sighed when all he could see was Hermione, who was just leaving the kitchen with two glasses of wine in her hands and joined Ginny who was sitting with Harry, Bill and Fleur. So much for his hope that he had been mistaken. He would always be right when it came to his best friend. "We can leave, if you want."

"Why would I want to leave?" Fred asked sarcastically, downing his glass of firewhiskey. George had lost count of the number of times he had seen his brother do this that evening. "It's a great party. Just look at all the happy faces."

"I'm looking at your face now." George retorted cautiously and then checked if anyone was paying attention to their conversation. When he found it was safe, he decided that this moment was no better or worse than any other would have been. "Why her, Freddie?"

Fred's eyes had been fixed on the empty glass in his hand, but at George's words his gaze abruptly shot up to meet that of his twin. What he saw there was a mixture of accusation, disappointment, but most of all worry. And with a shock he realised that all of his efforts had been in vain. George knew. He had probably known for a long time and he had lived in the awareness that he, his twin and soul mate, had been lying to him.

Fred suddenly felt like the alcohol he had so eagerly assigned to all evening was now unfolding its full effect on him all at once. He felt nauseated and he could've sworn the ground was moving under his feet. He tried to say something, but all he managed was a hoarse, rasping sound. Of course George didn't miss the impact his words had on his brother. With just one step he was by his side and carefully grabbed him by the arm. "Let's go home, okay?"

He tried hard not to show how much he was struggling with his own feelings; how much it affected him to know that his brother, his other half, had not trusted him enough to share his sorrows with him. A problem shared... not anymore, apparently. When had they stopped to be one? "We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about." Fred weakly objected and there was an air of defeat about him, when he broke away from his brother's grip and added: "You can't help me this time."

And with that he went and apparated to his room on the first floor, leaving a bewildered George alone amongst a band of irritated party guests.

Fred let out a shaky breath, when he found himself in the dark refuge of his childhood bedroom. He locked the door and hoped George knew better than to follow him. He slumped down on his bed, when his legs refused to carry him anymore. When he ran his fingers through his hair he realised his hands were shaking.

He felt drunk and emotionally exhausted, so he coiled up on his bed still fully clothed and closed his eyes. But once again sleep did not present him with the peace he craved so much. Instead it only brought new dreams, which had him wake up drenched in sweat and with his heart thrumming almost painfully in his chest. But his worst nightmare had already come true. His feelings for Hermione and above all his inability to handle them had hurt the one person he loved more than his own life. And he had no idea how he could ever be able to make up for it.


	6. Chapter 5

Hello everyone,

This was the last prescribed chapter I had to translate. Now I have to write from scratch again. I hope I won't have you all waiting too long from now on. Real life can be such a bitch sometimes =)

This chapter is dedicated to my friend **Sarah**, who passed her exams last Wednesday. Congrats, sweetheart. I'm proud of you ;-)

And as usual – thanks to **druifje** for the beta work *hugs*

**PS:** I'm not one to go "_I won't update unless..._" (I'm already slow enough as it is^^), but that doesn't mean I don't love me some reviews *wink wink*

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><p>"<em>Rise and shine, sleepy head. It's almost lunchtime."<em>

Fred rolled over onto his stomach with a groan and pulled the blanket up over his head. He silently cursed every last drop of firewhiskey he drank last night. His head felt like it was about to explode any second and the taste in his mouth very much resembled something one might have expected to find at the bottom of a lamppost in Knockturn Alley. He felt worn out, like he hadn't slept in days. That at least applied to last night.

Again and again he had woken up from confusing dreams with a start and every time his first look had been directed at his brother's bed. But even after the house had gone quiet and outside the first birds already greeted the new morning, the bed had remained empty. And even though Fred had hoped his brother would give him his space at least for one night, he couldn't help but feel incredibly lonely. After accepting the fact that the inevitable talk with George had to wait until he got home, he had been able to sleep through the rest of the night, but his guilty conscience had invaded his dreams of tangled bodies and hoarse declarations of love. He let out an exasperated sigh when realisation hit him that from now on even in his sleep Hermione was out of his reach. This day was starting nothing better than the last one had ended. "Come on now. It can't be that bad..."

Fred had trouble to stifle the startled cry that threatened to escape him, when he became aware of a soft hand lying on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. And suddenly he remembered what had woke him up this time – a cool hand softly stroking his sweaty forehead, whispered words and the familiar sensation of someone carefully sitting down on the edge of his bed. And most of all the absurd feeling of falling into yet another one of his dreams, because why else would _she_ have been sitting by his bed? "Blimey, Granger! You scared me half to death." he grumbled as he sat up with a racing heart and shaky hands.

"I'm sorry." Hermione couldn't help but chuckle when Fred stretched with a yawn big enough to swallow the earth and then ran his hands through his already tousled hair with a tired grunt. Apparently Ron was not the only one in his family who wasn't exactly a morning person. If anything it seemed to be some sort of tradition amongst the Weasley men to greet the new day with as much resentment as humanly possible. They were lucky to have a stall full of caring women to attend to this grumpy pack. "After the way you left last night your mum and I thought that you might need something against a hangover."

"I think _'I play, I pay'_ is more likely what my mother had in mind." Fred muttered dryly with a gloomy side glance at the glass in Hermione's hand. It was brimful with a dirty brown, slightly viscous looking liquid and Fred had on first sight recognised his mother's famous potion against anything troubling the head or stomach. It tasted even worse than it looked. It was an unspoken suspicion amongst the family members that this abomination of a potion was nothing more than a not-so-subtle punishment for drinking and deterrence to anyone toying with the thought of shamming illness. "You can tell my mum I'm very touched by her heart warming care, but I do feel quite comfortable in my misery. Didn't I lock the door last night?"

"Oh, I'm really good at opening doors; preferably locked ones. Must be why people call me the brightest witch of my age." Hermione returned good-humoured and handed him the glass with a look that told him better not to put up a fight. "Bottoms up, Weasley. You've already missed breakfast, but with luck you'll be back on your feet just in time for lunch."

"I don't think I'll feel like eating after downing this one." Fred grimaced with disgust, but then quickly emptied the glass with a few hearty gulps. "Merlin." He shuddered and put the empty glass on the bedside table. "Nope, definitely not hungry."

He leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes while waiting for the sudden wave of sickness to subside. He was feeling awkward enough in Hermione's presence and he really didn't want to make it worse by vomiting in her lap. He didn't want to know what she was thinking about him, sitting on his bed fully clothed down to his shoes and probably smelling very much like a man who's gotten himself drunk and then slept in his clothes. This was probably the first time in his life he really felt embarrassed and for a moment he wished the ground would open up to swallow him whole. Where was his mother anyway? For more than twenty-two years she hadn't cared a whit about locked doors – probably because she had every reason to be suspicious of what her children were up to behind those doors – so why had it be today of all days she went and developed a sense for privacy?

Once again Fred couldn't help but feel like the universe was working against him ever since he had fallen in love with Hermione; or punishing him for the poor act he was putting up not only for others, but also for himself. Because while he engrossed in sorrow and feelings of self-loathing around Hermione, his attempts to avoid her were merely half hearted and secretly he relished every single moment he had with her alone. It was pathetic. No wonder George was mad at him. He groaned in frustration at the memory of the look on his brother's face just before he had apparated out of his sight; like they had lost something they could never get back. Hermione, who had gotten up from the bed to open the curtains seemed to have sensed his further dropping mood and now turned to Fred, who was blinking heavily against the bright spring sun pouring in through the window.

"You had a fight with George yesterday, didn't you?" she asked with a slight frown. "I saw the two of you whisper just before you disappeared and George went straight home after that." She seemed concerned, but Fred didn't miss the mild curiosity in her voice. "I hope it was nothing too serious?"

Fred briefly wondered how it could be that someone as perceptive and clever as Hermione Granger could be so oblivious to his evidently not very well concealed feelings for her and came to the conclusion that he was rather grateful for that.

"No need to worry. It was nothing, just me being a drunk moron." he answered and swung his feet out of the bed. His head, despite the potion, still mildly protested against the sudden movement, but Fred decided it was for the best to go home as long as the need to talk to his brother was greater than the urge to be alone with Hermione. "I should go home and apologise though. '_The wiser man gives in_' and so on." He stood up from the bed with a lopsided grin that was just a tad too cheerful to fool someone. "Besides, I don't think I'd be able to keep the lunch down anyway after that potion. Would you mind excusing me with my mum?"

"I think I could do that." Hermione replied with a snicker. Just like last night she was kind enough to ignore his pitiful attempt at fake joviality. "The stakes were against me anyway. Ginny's bet was that you wouldn't get out of bed before sunset and Ron said we should just leave you be and try again tomorrow. No one's really expecting you to be up and on your feet yet, so I think you're free to go and make up with George."

She picked up the empty glass from the bedside table and fondly ruffled his hair when passing him by on her way out. "You might want to take a shower first." she added with a wink before closing the door behind her.

Fred caught himself staring at the closed door with a daft little smile tugging at the corner of his lips, long after her steps on the stairs had faded away. It quickly faltered though, when he thought about the confrontation that was awaiting him once he got back home.


End file.
